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Processing Pain on Social Media

Social media is a part of the fabric of society. This week marks 15 years since the full version of Twitter has been available to the public. September will mark the same milestone for Facebook being available to the public. The topic of social media brings lots of strong opinions. What is the purpose of social media? Are these platforms good or bad? I have my thoughts on both of those questions. You might be able to guess what those thoughts are given that I am posting this on social media. But I want to narrow in on a specific question:

Should Christ followers process pain on social media platforms?

Just this week, a pastor started a Twitter conversation about whether Christ followers should process their pain on Twitter. His take is that we should not. I disagree. That might be mildly interesting to you. This is not a from-the-sidelines opinion. My experience over the last 2-1/2 years -- both with processing pain from church hurt on social media and with seeing how others are doing the same -- informs that position. More so I think Jesus would disagree. Now I may really have your attention. The logical follow-up to that assertion is for you to want me to show you that in God's word. I will do that then share from my experience. 

What does God's word say about this?

One body, many members. Care for one another. Suffer together.

In chapter 12 of his first letter to the Corinthians, Paul writes about the body of Christ telling us that there are many members in one body and that the members of that body -- i.e., Christians -- are to care for one another. 

14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many.

24 ... But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together ...

Share in suffering. Share abundantly in comfort.

In his second letter to the Corinthians, Paul writes about the God of all comfort and how we are to comfort one another with the comfort God supplies. 

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. 

We are part of the body with many members. We are to care for one another. We will share in sufferings. We are to also share in comfort.

My Experience

Where could I go and share my suffering, my story of church hurt and deep betrayal at Harvest Bible Chapel, my church home for 23+ years? It was not going to be Harvest. When I repented for my part (Statement of Repentance) in the Harvest/James MacDonald mess (One Year Later: A Look Behind the Mask of James MacDonald), the other elders were furious. I heard about it for the first hour of the next elder board meeting. When I told the Executive Committee elders they should resign, I was told I was wasting all the other elders' time. When I resigned as an elder and called for reform (Resignation and Call for Reform), the remaining elders called me a liar, said I was divisive and was to be avoided. It was not exactly an invitation to come back to the church! We left.

It was not going to be our former church community. Two and a half years later, many people -- sadly too many to count -- that were close friends and ministry partners still have not even contacted Kim or me. (There have been couples and individuals that were at Harvest who have been there for us and walked with us through the pain, suffering, and healing. I am thankful for them.) 

Where would I find a body that would comfort me? Amazingly, I found it on Twitter and Facebook. As I have shared more and more of my story on social media, I have been comforted and supported by hundreds of new Twitter friends, brothers and sisters in Christ showing the same care for me as they do for others who have suffered church hurt, spiritual abuse, sexual abuse, etc. I found these social media platforms to be a safe place to share my story and to process my pain. (There are also pastors and other brothers and sisters in Christ that we have met since leaving Harvest who have listened to us, helped us process the pain, and walked with us toward healing. I am thankful for all of them.) 

One other thing has happened. Others have come to me to share their story. The Twitter community has connected others to me as a safe place to share their story. I am humbled by that. I do my best to listen. If it helps or if they ask, I share some of my story. I pray with them and for them. That is not about me. It is about comforting others with the comfort with which the God of all comfort has comforted me. God is using my story to help others. In that, he alone is glorified.

Warnings  

Hiding is not the answer

You may still object. What will a watching world think when they read of these evils in the church, of pain inflicted by men and women entrusted with leadership positions in the church? I share that concern. The answer is not to hide what is happening. We must expose these unfruitful works of darkness (see Ephesians 5:11). To not do so is to participate in them. What will a watching world think of that?

Silence is not the answer

If we keep saying it is not honoring to God to talk about these evils and to process our pain on social media, we silence the victims, the same thing many churches are doing (Why We Didn't Leave Harvest Bible Chapel Quietly). When we silence victims, we enable and strengthen the offenders. Sadly we may even attract others who would want to take advantage. 

What then?

The answer is not to hide these stories. The answer is not to silence the victims. What then? 
  • Provide a place for pain -- and comfort -- in the body of Christ.  
  • Be a safe place yourself for others to share suffering and pain.
  • Walk with and care for the walking wounded of the church.
  • Learn from these experiences, share the lessons, and warn others.
  • Fight for holiness in the church of Jesus Christ.

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