Today marks exactly thirteen months since an episode I still do not fully understand landed me in the ER. Since then, I have suffered nearly daily headaches. More accurately, I have battled a headache severe enough to require me to take some sort of abortive action somewhere around 60% of the days over the last thirteen months. The majority of the time that means taking a rescue medication often accompanied by an anti-nausea medication, putting an ice pack on my neck, another ice pack over my eyes and head, and sleeping for 2-3 hours in a dark room. Some days I go back to sleep again later the same day. By my rough approximation, I have slept the equivalent of nearly a full month of days of extra time over the last year trying to fight off these headaches.
This journey has already taken me places I had never been and places I did not know existed. Of course there is a complicated physical aspect to these headaches. I have worked with my primary care provider, a neurologist, pain management specialists, physical therapists, a chiropractor, a massage therapist and probably others I am forgetting right now. But I believe there is a spiritual warfare aspect to this as well. I need only look at the timing of when these headaches started. Last October, we were discussing an expanded ministry role with Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Kim and I were talking about what we believed God was calling us to do in terms of ministry where we live. Then I was laid out by these headaches, spending four days in the hospital followed by two more visits to the ER within a week.
I wonder whether this is a thorn in the flesh, a trial to endure, pruning or some combination. Last week as we were driving back from dinner, Kim, referenced John 15:2 where Jesus says, "... every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit." Could this be more pruning? I hate to admit that I had not thought much of that possibility with this health challenge. The truth is I do not know yet. But I am committed to staying close to Jesus regardless and learning what he has for me in this journey.
I, of course, am praying for complete healing. I believe God can and will heal me. Thankfully, I have not once been angry with God because of these headaches. I have of course asked him to take them away. My most common prayer, however, is for relief and to be able to sleep when the worst headache hits me.
So, why am I writing now? I am writing and sharing for the following reasons:
- To request prayer
- This morning I had my second radio frequency ablation (RFA), a procedure that uses heat from high-energy electromagnetic waves to destroy nerves that carry pain impulses. The goal is to stop nerves at C3, C4 and C5 and up into my occipital nerves from sending pain signals up into my head. My first RFA last December was a success eliminating certain types of headaches. Please pray this procedure is successful.
- After my December 2022 RFA, my headaches morphed into other types of headaches. That may be the case again. But the frequency of headaches decreased. Also, last time, after getting initial relief for a few days, I experienced brutal headaches for the next 2-1/2 weeks. Please pray that does not happen this week as I have client commitments and FCA support-raising work scheduled.
- To keep people updated
- Several of you have asked to be updated so you can continue to pray for me. Thank you for caring for me and holding Kim and me up in prayer.
- To be transparent and vulnerable
- I coach leaders. I encourage them to be transparent. My coaching practice is a solopreneurship. So, I do not have a team with whom to share my story. But to not be transparent would not be authentic. So, I am writing this and sharing it not only on my blog and on some social media sites but also on LinkedIn. After all, the International Coaching Federation recently shared an article I wrote a while back on vulnerability. Think about that timing.
Psalm 63 is one of my favorite psalms. As I was reading it last night, verses 5 through 8 struck me:
5 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips
6 when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
7 for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy
8 My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
I can readily claim verse 7. Honestly, with these headaches, I have trouble enacting verse 6 as I lie down for relief. Still I know verse 5 is true as I live out verse 8.
Thank you for walking through this with me. I will keep you updated.
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